In the last 6 months, we've had to go pick up our 4 year old son from daycare because of behavioral issues. This is, in my opinion, two times too many. I'd like to blame this on two things:
1. His ginormous tonsils
2. Pumped Up Kicks, the subversive yet catchy song by Foster the People which has been a cross-platform radio hit.
All the experts will tell you that basically all you need to do to have good kids is be good parents. Pay attention to your kids, get down on their level to talk to them. Show affection. Read with them. Listen to them. When they are acting out, use some consistent show of discipline, whether that be timeouts, removal of privileges, sending them to their room, redirecting them to somewhere else to expend their energy, whatever. Eat dinner with them every night. Involve them in your day to day activities.
The experts don't know what the hell they're talking about. This is why I'm pinning my hopes on a tonsillectomy saving my kid from being labeled as a trouble making punk.
Joey eats home cooked meals at our dinner table with all the family members 5 nights a week, save the one night we usually head out to Chick Fil A as a treat - and of course, pizza Friday. He helps empty the dishwasher. He learns sight words with me on my iPad. He and Tabby each pick a book each night to have read to them. When we watch TV, it's with a parent. We shy away from overtly violent cartoons, we do arts and crafts together. We eat lean protein, fruits, vegetables, and yogurt. We provide the kids with simple choices to allow them a sense of importance and that they matter (at least we let them dress themselves and pick out shoes). We try to let the natural consequences be a teacher - when we take green lantern to the grocery store and lose him... we don't get a new one. We're enrolled in karate to help foster a sense of self discipline. For most basic measures we are very good parents. When we lose our minds, we find books to read and go talk to a therapist. We try not to resort to shaming the kids or spanking, but frankly, it's happened. Show me a parent who's never been pushed to step away from their core parenting style and I'll show you a liar with a seriously messed up kid.
So yes, we are the most awesome parents in the world, or at least in Arizona. Yet, we have a 4 year old boy who seems to have no problem focusing, problem solving, and remaining engaged in cognitive activities... who also has violently aggressive outbursts and whine-fits for what seems to be no reason at all. Punching people in the face, stripping all his clothes off, big physical melt down tantrums. No triggers. No massive life changes. No missed developmental markers. Just... crazy town.
And the parenting books remind you, incessantly: no child ever goes to college in pullups. Nobody has a tantrum in the boardroom at work. Seasons change, phases are outgrown, and so on. At the peak of undesired behavior (or what you hope is the peak of it, anyway) these are the most irritating platitudes in the world. Fantastic, being a total shit at 4 years old has little bearing on how you behave at 16, 24, or 40. Well, thanks for that, Dr. Sears! Any other reassuring little nuggets up your sleeve?
So anyway, hopefully we pull out these evil demon tonsils & adenoids sometime in January, he starts to sleep more restfully because his airways are less occluded by giant hunks of flesh, and we see the radiant, funny, brilliant little boy we know we have a little more often.
That, or he's going to shoot somebody for their Air Jordans.
In the meantime, I'm going to start reading the books about developmental milestones in boys and how to raise boys in particular. I fear I'm becoming less attached as a mother and a nurturer due to this behavior. I get the feeling that I am not equipped to respond to it in a way that is constructive; and that's a scared, lonely, internal mommy feeling that I never want to see fully realized. I haven't got this divide with my 3 year old daughter.
Anyone with sons who has anything they think will help - I gladly welcome advice.
